Your Inspirational Thought of the Day

Life is short.  Embrace it.  You've heard it before, but do you really understand it?  Something can happen at any time to end it, or to decrease the quality of it substantially.  My turning point happened in the PACU after a tumor removal.  Even in my drugged state, I knew what the doctor meant when he said the cells were neoplastic.   Oiy.  It was December 27th, 2011.  Merry Christmas, right?  I was 27 and had old lady ovarian cancer.  The doctor's said it was highly unlikely that it was cancerous, but me and my whole can't-be-like-everyone-else self defied the odds.   Sure, I wallowed in my pity a little.  The first few weeks were terrible. 
Somewhere in that time period, I realized how lucky I was.   It was caught when it was tiny, before it had spread anywhere.  This is how summer camp saved my life.  The doctor at camp, didn't like how sick I was that week and demanded that I go to see a new primary care provider.  That doctor did the most thorough assessment I've ever had and evaluated every symptom I could think of.  Finally, I was sent to the CT scanner, where my tumor was found.  Lucky, right?
This totally changed my life.  I might have done a lot of things this past year that may have sounded questionable.  I was out all the time, go to bed late, work all day, then go back out.  Repeat.  I was exhausted, but I was happy.  I started my informal bucket list.  No where will you find a paper copy.  It's all in my head, and it is ever changing.  Some things are added on the spot!  Some of my best adventures are all spontaneous. 
One of my favorite stories, included one of my friends.  We went to get lunch in my old part of town, walked the Loveland bike trail and along the river, did some shopping, then ended with a picnic in my new favorite park, and playing pool (soaking wet) at a local bar (most of the day was spontaneous).  My favorite part was when I was eyeing the fountain at the park, with the intention to run through it.  Instead of looking at me like I was uncouth or crazy, he told me to hand him my purse!  Then when I was barely wet, he encouraged me to go all in!  Why be restrained by what other's think?  If there is something you want, go for it.  Find a friend who wants you to run through fountain, put that on your list.
I am always out there, doing fun, perhaps slightly crazy, things.  Nothing bugs me more than when I ask someone if they are up to anything, and they say "No."  Why???  Go out there, do big things.  Make memories that will last.  Most importantly, make each day count. 

                                    (That's my fountain at Washington Park in Cincinnati)
       Now that I think about it, it is funny that my favorite place was Washington Park.... Fate????

Why I'm a PICU nurse

People always ask, "What do you do for a living?"  I almost hate to see the pity on people's faces when I tell them that I am a pediatric intensive care nurse.  They always wonder how I do do what I do.  I struggled for years to find the answer.  Now, I think I know how to put it into words.

Every day that PICU nurse's go to work, they change a life in some way or another.  Sometimes, the changes are miniscule.  Other times, you can see a big turn around in a 12 hour shift.  I am not going to focus on the day to day "miracles."  The ones that will help to fully describe what I do, are big changes. 

The first time I realized how amazing my job is, I was taking care of a kid following a reconstructive airway surgery.  This kiddo had a tracheostomy for his whole life and came to get that reversed so that he can be a normal kid.  In Cincinnati, it is a very common procedure, so it's easy to forget the significance.  I realized how life changing that procedure was when the mother told me that her child will get to go swimming for the first time that summer.  It's too much of a safety issue to swim with a hole in your neck!  We take such little things for granted!  I spent the entire summer at the pool and this child hadn't been swimming once in their life.  They can safely have bubble baths and play in the sprinkler- such important pieces of childhood!  I was so glad that I took care of that patient, so that the mom could open my eyes!

Another time I really felt the significance of what I do, involved a very sick little girl.  She had received a bone marrow transplant and was doing terribly.  I had formed a bond with the family, so I signed up to be her primary nurse.  My little patient was not about to form a bond with a nurse, but I loved taking care of her anyway.  =)  I took care of her during some of her very sick days, and expected for her to be sick for a very long time.  I thought her future was bleak.  I had a good stretch of days off at one point.  I fully expected to have the busiest of busy days upon my return.  I actually went to bed early and ate a healthy breakfast (we all know that none of that ever happens... at least for me...).  In report that morning, I was told a tale unbelievable to my ears!  Where is the ventilator?  The dialysis?  This spunky little girl had pulled through!  Everyday following that one, new amazing things would happen.  I knew then, that I was going to push her and get her out of that unit!  I would not let her fail, or I would fail myself.  One of the my favorite days, my little patient was very tired, but occupational and physical therapy stopped by her room.  The patient's mom asked many times for them to stop by and I wasn't going to let them get away.  Mom had stepped away for a bit and left grandma in charge.  Grandma being a grandma, really pushed to let her nap.  I encouraged her to let my patient try.  Finally, she caved and let her get therapy.  At first, my little patient was quite grumpy about the experience.  We placed her on a mat on the floor (probably one of the first few times she'd really been out of bed in weeks) with the intention of her cutting out shapes and simply improving dexterity by reaching and being in control of her hands.  The first few minutes were absolutely terrible.  Poor grandma had already said several times that we should put her back to bed.  I was trying everything to get her to be happy and enjoy therapy.  Finally, I pulled the computer in the room down to her level, and played the video her dad made of her.  She was captivated.  I'm pretty sure that was the first time I saw her smile!  I had already seen the video, and I knew why it was made.  After that, she started to get into therapy.  It worked out pretty well!  That same week, she was walking around in her room hiding fish for her grandma to find.  It was super cute... I didn't know that 3 year old's knew how to use "psst" appropriately!  Those kind of days are when you know you were part of something special.  Her mother checks in every once in a while.  She will send a new video for us to watch of her doing choreographed dance moves.  It's so cute!  On days when I am struggling to find meaning to the difficulty of my job, I watch her video.

There are days that I don't understand how things happen to children.  I have seen a lot of terrible things.  Those are the stories people give me the pity face for.  I am sorry for those people to not see the good things- to not be a part of the miracles that happen every day in the PICU. 

My Inaugural Post!

Well, I've finally decided to write a blog.  You are welcome in advance for no longer clogging up your facebook with my stories of amusement.  I decided this would be the best medium to put my thoughts out there for the world, since I have so many these days.

I guess a little about me is in order.

2011 was a terrible year.  It ended in divorce and literally right before the new year, cancer.  I felt like I was being kicked when I was already down.  I vowed with the new year, to make 2012 fantastic!  (granted, after last year, anything would've been better!!!)  So began my mission.  I started to step out of my box and gradually changed for the better.  I met many people, who were part of the process to make me who I am now.

Out of the whole cancer thing, I formed a bucket list.  By no means did I have what I like to call "real cancer," so don't stress.  Essentially, my list has everything I want to do, and is ever changing to add more fun to it as I go.  My list has kept me quite busy, so I am quite behind in starting my blog.  As I've said for many things... it's on my list!  I will back date some of my awesome adventures, since I feel like they helped shape me.  Maybe some of the bad things too.

What do you get out of this???  It can be amusement (some of the things I do are simply awesome).  Mostly, I want you to get something out of it.  I want you to maybe not do some of the crazy things, but remember that life is short.  Don't not do something because you have tomorrow to do it.  Live for now!